This turning back upon oneself, a kind of degrading self-compassion, in which one tells oneself in a tone so full of pity: "Nobody understands me! No one loves me! No one cares for me as people should!" etc., and one goes on and on… And now this is really terrible, it draws you down into a hole immediately.
One must have gone far beyond all that, left it very far behind oneself, in order to truly have the joy of faithfulness, the joy of self-giving, which does not care at all, no, indeed, not at all, in any way, whether it is properly received or gets the adequate response. Not to expect anything in exchange for what one does, not to expect anything, not through asceticism or a sense of sacrifice but because one has the joy of the consciousness one is in and that is enough; this is much better than all one can receive, from whomsoever it may be.
